She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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