Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
