i just made my gag reflex go away.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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