You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
