I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
