I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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