He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
