Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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