i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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