They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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