): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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