remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
