I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Randomize
