Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
