12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
