DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
