So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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