No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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