I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
