i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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