Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
