Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Randomize
