My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
