dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
