I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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