Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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