I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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