Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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