good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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