Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
