you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
