He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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