Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
