I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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