you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
