I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I think pants incapable of making pants work
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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