I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
