I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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