I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
