Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
