Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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