Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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