I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
