Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
