I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
wow bdsm is so cute
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
