what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
