the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
