Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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