Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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