Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
