Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
