It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just forgot I was standing up.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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