He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
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