is your mom at the bar?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
